I’m Tired of Self Help

Self help isn’t meant to be “other’s help” or widely apply, and yet, most self-help creators share it to be exactly that, because they, at some level, need to sell you on something.

Self-help is a complicated topic, because if it weren’t such a profitable industry, I truly believe that it would be amazing. But it’s a hugely profitable industry, worth more than $11 Billion in the United States alone.

Holy…

It’s full of writers and people that aren’t helping you achieve your dream life, they’re helping themselves achieve their dream life. But on your dime.

“But that’s okay. My favorite writer isn’t a part of that. My favorite content creator really cares about me and isn’t in it for the money.”

But do they have another job?

If they create content full time, live the “digital nomad” lifestyle, and sell books/courses about how you can do it too, they’re just trying to make money with their content.

That’s wonderful for content creators but it gets sticky when it comes to self-help.

There are only a few types of people I will listen to for self-help advice, (and I’m not even on my list).

1. People whose lives I want to reflect.
2. People who have done what I want to do.
3. People who are not creating for money.

If they’re creating for money, that’s what they’re doing. They’re not creating for me, but for my wallet.

And not all self-help creators are evil or bad, but they aren’t selfless, either. They can’t be if this is their full-time job. Instead, they need to write about things that are catchy and drive reads and views, because if they aren’t driving reads and views? They’re not making money, and they’re not paying their bills.

The biggest complaints I have with self-help though aren’t about monetization. Monetization is fine, so long as you’re aware of it.

Instead, I’m bothered by the measuring and hacking of everything. Not just a few things like diet and sleep, but everything.

Because not everything meaningful can (or should) be measured.

I haven’t always believed this. In fact, I used to do regular, 360-feedback surveys to measure every aspect of myself. I even wrote about it.

It was a misguided attempt to drive self-awareness. It was easier to make my friends say uncomfortable things (anonymously) than it was to meditate regularly, journal regularly, or really put in the effort to know myself.

Because if I can measure something like humility, maybe I can figure out a way to hack it instead of doing the work.

News flash: I can’t. And neither can you.

The most meaningful things in the world can’t be measured. “Love” can’t be measured, “humility” and “kindness” can’t be measured. “Relationships” can’t even be measured very effectively.

It was arrogant of me to claim I could.

I’m tired of ego.

I’m tired of struggling to find a niche in the world and better myself, when there’s always someone out there who has it a little bit better and is a little bit farther ahead.

That’s another big problem with self help.

There’s always someone who’s helped themselves more. Whether they started sooner or worked harder at it, there’s always someone who’s a little bit ahead.

Someone who put their relationships behind them because they didn’t have good relationships, and spent 18 hours a day working on themselves, blind to the world.

Someone who started on a different path and therefore could push forward differently. And the emblem of self help is that you can always keep improving, always work a little harder, always get better.

But that’s not the way to be happy.

To be successful? Spend time with those more successful than you are. But to be happy? Spend time with those who are less successful than you. — Naval Ravikant

Happiness isn’t something you can measure into existence.
Instead, it’s a process, and it is very closely tied to contentment, which is the enemy of self-help.

If you’re content with who you are, you don’t need to keep measuring or keep reading.

You can cancel some subscriptions to email newsletters and stop following these self-help “experts.”

Self help gurus who make their living by selling courses and books and content are not the ones who truly want the best for their followers. They’re trying to earn a living themselves, just in a different way than you are.

The real teachers and writers who are making a difference are the ones whose livelihoods are not built on their self help platform. Instead, their livelihoods are built on a business they own, some investments they’ve made, or even books they’ve written.

But if they’re making all their money from selling self help work, they’re not really trying to help. They’re just trying to pay their own bills.

And that’s the self-help I’m tired of.

I still listen to podcasts, I still read a lot of books, and I still am tapped into the self-help world. It’s motivating sometimes, and there are some really unique perspectives on things I hadn’t thought about before.

But it’s no longer the only thing I consume. Now? I have some hobbies that aren’t efficient or building to anything. I have interests that aren’t ‘optimized.’

I have friends who aren’t quitting their jobs to pursue their dreams.

I’m not living in a fantasy world full of ideals and legends of people who ‘quit their 9–5 to travel the world on their drop-shipping side-hustle.’

I’m living a real life, full of real problems, and real joys.

And that makes me happier than any ‘guru’ ever did.